En 191 Final Paper--Nepal and America: Arranged Marriages versus Love Marriages

Melanie Folske

Professor Specht-Jarvis

English 191 Section 21

15 December 2009

Nepal and America: Arranged Marriages versus Love Marriages

What does it mean to be married? Depending upon whom you ask you may receive a broad spectrum of answers. The answer you may get can vary across geographic locations, cultural and spiritual groups, and laws of government. This paper will compare the traditions of marriage in the United States with those of Nepal.

America and Nepal have very different perspectives on marriage. In Nepal, you may find different reasons why people get married than in America. Dating, when compared between the Nepalese and American cultures, is a completely different concept. The main ideas about marriage right down to appropriate wedding gifts and even the opinion of divorce differs between these two cultures.

Why do people marry? In America, the answer sounds like that of a fairy-tale in that two people get married when they fall in love and realize they want to be together for the rest of their life. They are in ‘true love,’ that is,“True love is an inner feeling which compels a particular male and female to be irresistibly drawn, and to feel total emotional commitment to one another.” (Hoult et al 5)In Nepal, however, it is cultural tradition to have an arranged marriage. “They are the norm in the mainstream culture.” (Culture of Nepal) The main reason people marry in Nepal is not only because it is the norm, but it also is expected by the families. In Nepal, if one does not marry, he/she is looked down on by their family and society.

Nepalese culture also looks down on dating, which is considered taboo in Nepal. Although times are changing and dating is becoming somewhat more accepted than it once was, the majority of people in Nepal still maintain many traditional values and ideas about marriage. Not only is dating looked down upon, but physical contact and affection are also.

“Physical contact between the sexes is not appropriate in public. Although men may be openly affectionate with men and women with women, even married couples do not demonstrate physical affection in public.” (Culture of Nepal)

This differs from ideas of dating in America, where dating typically begins in high school and goes throughout the college years. According to Marriage and Families, “Dating may be called a process, because it consists of a series of events which eventually lead to marriage.” (Lee 16) The couple will go out to dinner, to a movie, and they introduce each other to their parents. They will sometimes even live together and have kids together before getting married. The typical American person dates many people before a decision is made as to whether or not to get married.

The decision of whether or not to get married and even who to marry is typically not the choice of the individual in Nepal. The parents and family, for the most part, make this choice for their young ones. Nepalese parents work hard in order to find their children the person they will spend the rest of their life with. According to Culture of Nepal, marriages forge important social bonds between two families. Culture of Nepal also mentioned that when a child reaches a certain age, the family is responsible for finding a suitable mate of the appropriate caste, a specific education level, and social stratum. Also, “it is not uncommon for matches to be decided when the two individuals are still children.” (Weddings and Marriage in Nepal) Families make sure their children accept the mate they have chosen for them. For example, as stated in the article “Weddings and Marriage in Nepal,”

“It is important that arranged marriage and forced marriage in Nepal are not confused. It is not normal practice for families in Nepal who are arranging marriages to force their offspring to marry someone that they do not wish to marry. The offspring are also consulted and it is important that they consent to the marriage.”

Sometimes this is not always the case in that there are instances of a couple not seeing each other for the first time until the wedding ceremony begins. (Traditional Wedding) In America, the decision to marry is typically made by the couple. Traditionally, the man will get down on one knee and “propose,” asking, “Will you marry me?” The answer is almost always “yes” because a man will usually not ask unless he knows the woman will accept. The discussion of marriage is brought up many times before the actual proposal. The approval of the parents is important for some couples, depending on how close they are to their parents. Many couples, however, do not take their parent’s and family’s opinions into account when making the decision to marry.

It is worth noting that “Nepal is overwhelmingly patrilineal and patrilocal. (Culture of Nepal) Patrilineal means “Relating to, based on, or tracing ancestral descent through the paternal line.” (The Free Dictionary) Patrilocal means “having or relating to a marriage pattern in which the couple lives with the husband's family.” (The Free Dictionary) These definitions come in handy while thinking about this next statement. According to the article Culture of Nepal,

“A man belongs permanently to the kinship group of his father, while a woman changes membership from her natal kin group to the kin group of her husband at the time of marriage. Because family connections are critical in providing access to political influence and economic opportunities, marriage alliances are planned carefully to expand kinship networks and strengthen social ties. Although women join the husband's household, they maintain emotional ties and contact with their family.”

This quote explains why women often prefer to marry men who are from their own village. This way, the wife can stay near her family and the husband can continue with his access to the social ties that are created by their marriage.

Husbands in Nepal also have access to dowry when they get married. Dowry is “money or property brought by a bride for her husband at marriage,” (The Free Dictionary) Dowry is another part of the Nepali wedding tradition. Although it is illegal in Nepal, it is still expected by the groom’s family. It was perhaps ruled illegal because many negative points have been made about dowry. One important negative point is made in an article called "Seven Things that need to be Changed in Hindu Nepali Society," which stated the following:

“The groom's side often asks for certain items or a certain amount of money. In the southern region border areas, brides are often tortured and sometimes even killed because of dowry dispute. If a bride doesn't bring enough dowry, she is often humiliated by the family members who then force her to ask for more from her parents. This is extortion.” (Ghimire)

Dowry is unheard of in America, where at the wedding ceremony, friends and family of the bride and groom bring gifts for the couple. These gifts range from silverware and toasters to televisions and vacations.

It is questioned by many as to whether arranged marriages work better than the so-called “love marriages.” Opinions tend to differ across the board. Statistics place the divorce rate for arranged marriages much lower than those in the United States. According to Divorced in America, “a divorce is at bottom a legal rather than a psychological or social concept.” (Epstein 28) This previous quote differs from other findings. For example, research shows that in Nepal, “the pressure a married couple encounters from both society as a whole, and from the respective families, suggests that divorce is often not an option.”(Savage) American couples do not receive this much pressure while considering divorce. In America, the chance that any given marriage will break up is "a staggering 60 percent." (Maudlin 14) A rather shocking quote found in Christianity Today discussed the rather hedonistic views that American individuals have in a marriage.

“Marriage has increasingly been reduced to a vehicle... for the emotional fulfillment of adult partners. `Til death us do part' has been replaced by `so long as I am happy.'" The quest for personal fulfillment and autonomy has created a "culture of divorce," where marriage is often seen as "restrictive, confining, oppressive and unliberating." (Maudlin 14)

The main pressure that will contribute to this decision is their kids, if they have any. However, unmarried couples with children split up more frequently than married couples do. (Peterson) This is sufficient proof that when it comes to divorce, Nepalese couples act on what is expected by their family and society, whereas American couples act on what they think will benefit them the most as individuals.

Which country has it right? There is a slow, yet sure and steady shift in Nepal away from arranged marriages to 'love' marriages. For example, individuals nowadays have more freedom in Nepal to chose who they want to marry without so much of the family interference. There is also a shift in Nepal towards marriage across castes and across ethnic groups. (Weddings and Marriage in Nepal) Today, both arranged and love marriages can be found throughout Nepal, but arranged marriage still predominates. “The love marriage method has been gaining much acceptance over the years perhaps due to the influence of western culture and more over with the drastic develop in media.” (Traditional Wedding) In a personal interview, when asked about whether there is any love involved in an arranged marriage, Pranaya Dhungana answered, “There’s always time to get to know each other during the engagement. The more time spent the closer you get.” He then said, “there’s a saying in Nepal: ‘Love marriages don’t last long.’ You see it in movies a lot where couples fall in love and in Nepal it’s the families that choose that for you.” This quote demonstrates that there is time to let relationships grow if they are rough at first. It would certainly be challenging to learn how to love someone whom you do not know much about. It is seen all the time in the United States that people will get married who are not in love but have convinced themselves that they are and do not even realize they are not in love until it is too late.

In conclusion, America and Nepal quite clearly differ in several ways when it comes to dating and marriage. Nobody ever said that there is a "right" way to go about falling in love and getting married. Dating is necessary for love marriages but is not needed if your match is being found by a family member. It is not an easy task to find the right person, and perhaps it is best to have those closest to you pick that person for you.

Works Cited

“Culture of Nepal.” everyculture.com. Advameg, 2009. Web. 26 Oct. 2009.

.

Dhungana, Pranaya. Saint Cloud State University. Personal interview. 11 Nov. 2009.

Epstein, Joseph. Divorced in America: Marriage in an Age of Possibility. New York: E.P Dutton, 1974. Print.

Ghimire, Bhumika. ”Seven Things that need to be Changed in Hindu Nepali Society.”

associatedcontent.com. Associated Content, 3 October 2006. Web. 13 Dec. 2009.

seven_things_that_need_to_be_changed.html?cat=34>.

Hoult, Thomas, Lura Henze, and John Hudson. Courtship and Marriage in America. Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1978. Print.

Lee, Essie E. Marriage and Families. New York : Second Printing, c1978. Print.

Maudlin, Karen L. "The fall and rise of marriage." Christianity Today. 15 May 1995: 14.

Academic Search Premier. EBSCO. Web. 15 Dec. 2009.

Peterson, Karen S. ”Marriage as an institution is abandoning kids, report finds." USA Today

n.d. Academic Search Premier. EBSCO. Web. 15 Dec. 2009.

Savage, Lacey. "The Reality of Arranged Marriages." Ezinearticles.com. Ezine Articles, 2009.

Web. 13 December 2009.

?The-Reality-of-Arranged-Marriages&id=606>.

The Free Dictionary. Farlex, 2009. Web. 15 December 2009. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/.

"Traditional Wedding." 2006. hotelnepal.com. Adventure Silk Road Group, n.d. Web. 13

December 2009. .

"Weddings and Marriage in Nepal." Kwintessential. Kwintessential Ltd, n.d. Web. 13 December

2009.

Weddings-and-Marriage-in-Nepal/435>.

Food Around the World

Food Around The World
-Background information
-What is the meaning of food?
-Food nourishes and takes care of our hunger.
- It has many meanings across the world
-Holidays and Festivals
-Germany- Oktoberfest- Beer and bratwurst
-US – Thanksgiving- Turkey
- China- Chinese New Year- dumplings and mandarin oranges
-Mexico- Christmas- Tamales and sweet fritters
- Traditions of Daily life
- Nepal- Eat rice in 2 meals everyday
-China- Eat rice
Beliefs and Food-
- Fasting- Ramadan, Catholics Lent, No meat Fridays
- Hinduism- no cow products – cow is sacred
- Muslims- no pork
-How to eat food
China- Chopsticks
-Nepal- hands
-US- Forks
-Africa- Big bowl
- Social gathering – we revolve around food
- Food brings people together
- Family affair
- Potlucks, barbeques
- Birthday cake
- Grocery shopping – people do different amounts
- Daily – fresh food, fruits, veggies
- Weekly non- perishable
- Not limited to what is just iun your country – you can get it from across the world – shipping
- Going out to eat
- Ethnic good – specialty restaurants
- Chinese take out
- Food spreading across the globe
- Sushi – Japanese food – now spreading to the US + European countries
- Conclusion
- Food revolves around us, we revolve around food. Never ending cycle. We depend on it for nourishing, socializing, and traditions.

Outline for Final Paper

Introduction
*All across the world, people marry for different reasons. People marry for love, their own happiness, their parents' happiness, money, to survive, among many other reasons. America and Nepal have very different perspectives on marriage, and this reflects on their culture as a whole.

Body
*Defining marriage
***Why do people marry?
***Examples from different countries

*Marriage in Nepal
***Dating: Is it taboo in Nepal?
***The decision to marry
***Arranged marriages
******What is typical?
***The ceremony
***Dowry
***Roles of husband & wife
***Divorce rates
***Expectations

*Marriage in America
***Dating
***The decision to marry
***The ceremony
***Gifts
***Roles of husband & wife
***Divorce rates
***Expectations

*What significance do these differences in these two countries have?
***Which country has it right?
***Would either country benefit from taking something from the other and applying it to their ways?

Conclusion
*America and Nepal are very different when it comes to marriage, but nobody ever said that there is a "right" way to do it. It is not uncommon that people get married who are not in love.

Love & Happiness in Nepal and America

Since I interviewed two people from Nepal and did a report on it, I think that it would only make sense to write something using the information that I have already found as well as the knowledge I have gained throughout the semester. During the first interview, I found myself to be really interested in the dating/relationships and arranged marriage aspects of their culture. It is fascinating to me to think about the differences between dating/relationships and marriage in their culture with that of the American culture. Which system works better? They don't know each other when they get married in Nepal, yet they seem happier than American couples considering that the divorce rate is lower there.

Interview #3-Nepal

Melanie Folske
English 191.21
Pranaya Dhungana
Nepal
11-7-2009

Preparations for the interview were very easily made since this was my final interview. I had two sets of questions on the table for myself and the interviewee as well as the video camera that I had borrowed from a friend. We met up in the café room in the library and then proceeded to a room that I had previously booked on the second floor. I used the same list of questions as I did the other two times because it worked really well and helped me to achieve an hour for length. It also was a good guideline to have sitting in front of me. It was a reminder to me to try to keep the interview on track in case it got off-topic. My objectives changed somewhat in that I didn’t dress up in a super-professional manner as I had the previous times. I learned that dressing up seemed to intimidate the interviewee and I didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable. So, instead, I just wore a nice pair of jeans as well as a nice solid-colored t-shirt to avoid distraction.

My first interviewee, Avi from Nepal, has a roommate from Nepal as well as some other friends from there. He tried really hard to help me out and offered to talk to some of them about being interviewed. Avi sent me a message via Facebook saying that he had talked to his roommate about being interviewed and he agreed. He gave me his roommate’s name and then I sent him a message on Facebook saying who I was and that I appreciated him considering helping me out. We then proceeded to set up a date, time, and place to meet for the interview. I was actually less nervous for this interview since I didn’t know him, whereas for my first interview I was really nervous since I had previously met him and didn’t want to make a fool of myself.

On Saturday, November 7th at 7:30p.m., Pranaya Dhungana and I met up in the library café room. We then went up to a room that I had previously booked. I conducted the interview in a very professional manner in that I had water there for the both of us as well as the questions in front of us. I had the camcorder on the table as well and I asked him if he wouldn’t mind me recording him. He offered to even be on the video, but I told him that it wouldn’t be necessary and that I didn’t want him to be nervous at all, so I kept the lens cap on. Although I didn’t really dress up for it, I don’t think that he really noticed. I think that because of the difference in wardrobe, the environment was more comfortable and less anxious than it had been the previous two times. He was very comfortable and really enjoyed answering my questions and talking about his country as well as the experiences he has gone through here. He turned out to be my best interview and I was really fortunate to have had such luck with him. I learned a lot about the culture of Nepal because of him. I’d say he would be the ideal interviewee for anyone. His only flaw was that he talked maybe a little more than needed and also got off-track a few times.

Pranaya Dhungana was born in Chitwan, Nepal. When he was seven or eight years old, he moved to Kathmandu. He is 25 years old and has been in America since fall of 2004. He started off studying computer science and then later switched to graphic designing. He is very passionate about graphic designing and is very confident that he will succeed in that particular field. I noticed during the interview that he especially enjoyed talking about food and his favorite places. He has a brother who lives with his wife in Missouri. He has a sister who lives with her husband in Minneapolis. He goes to Minneapolis to see them for all of the American and Nepali holidays and goes to Missouri during the summer each year. He hasn’t been back to Nepal since he moved to America but talks to his parents once a month over the phone. He claims that he doesn’t really miss them all that much. He has formed a new family with the friends that he has made here in Saint Cloud. His favorite food is American chop suey, which is made in Nepal and he has not been able to locate it here.

The interview from my vantage point was that it went really well. As a matter of fact, I don’t think it could have gone any better than it did! I am very fascinated with the meanings of the Nepali names. From what I gathered, they all have a specific meaning which they hold close to them. They try to live up to their names. What really gave pause to me was the fact that he hasn’t been back home since he arrived in America. I am so close to my family and I couldn’t imagine not seeing them for 5 years like he has. I was moved by the conversation we had about religion. My first interviewee as and this one were so passionate while talking about their religion. They care so much about it and make a lifestyle out of it. It reminded me that I have a religion too, but it’s not nearly as important to me as theirs is to them. I think that we Americans live such a fast-paced lifestyle that we forget to put time and thought into religion. While studying Nepal, I have found the arranged marriages to be very interesting. I particularly asked Pranaya many questions about how the arranged marriage system works and what his opinion of it is. He definitely doesn’t want to marry someone who he doesn’t know and thinks that times are changing in Nepal. He thinks that the people of Nepal are gradually becoming more open to the idea of dating and relationships, but to an extent.

Nepal is a small landlocked country. The World Factbook states that Nepal is located in “Southern Asia between China and India.” It can be compared with the size of Arkansas. Nepal’s population is approximately “28563,377 as of July 2009,” according to The World Factbook. The northern side of the country is mountainous. A major landmark there is Mount Everest. Nepal was formerly called the Hindu Kingdom. The common language spoken there is Nepali.

As for religious values, more than three-quarters of the population are Hindu, the next being Buddhist, then Christianity, and the few minorities that they have are Muslim. The political system that they have is very unstable. The healthcare is fairly inexpensive. Although illegal, marijuana is very common there. They have a holiday each year for smoking marijuana in honor of the Hindu god, who lives off of marijuana.

An old tradition used for greeting people is putting your palms together in front of your chest while saying “Namaste.” Nowadays, the mainstream culture of Nepal will occasionally shake hands for greeting people instead. As for food, rice is very popular. It is included in at least two meals each day.

Dating and relationships are considered to be taboo. Parents arrange the marriages. It is very common to not meet your spouse until the day you get married. The arrangement is made as symbolism of the parents getting along and also depends on which caste they belong to. Also, the boys can’t talk to the girls the way that they talk to the boys, and vice versa because it is against their cultural norm. “Physical contact between the sexes is not appropriate in public. Although men may be openly affectionate with men and women with worm, even married couples do not demonstrate physical affection in public.”3 The Nepalese people are very reserved, unlike the openness of Americans.

During their free time, it is common for the Nepalese to socialize. They will go to their neighbor’s house to discuss the day’s events and to drink tea. They meet their friends in school or in sports they play, such as soccer. Once they have a particular group of friends, they tend to stay in that group.

1-2: https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/np.html 27 Oct 2009.
3: http://www.everyculture.com/Ma-Ni/Nepal.html. 27 Oct 2009.

M-First off, let’s start off with your full name and its meaning
P-Its Pranaya Pratap Kumar Dhungana. Pranaya means love; Pratap means courageous-like a strong person; Kumar is basically a word given to someone who’s not married—means a virgin; Dhungana means stone
M-If you don’t mind, I’m going to move this (the camcorder) a little closer to you.
M-So how do you feel about your name? Do you hold its meaning to yourself?
P-I actually like it—when I was a kid I didn’t see anyone else with my name; it’s a really neat name, and as I grew up I started to realize it’s actually a common name. The interesting thing is, many people can’t say it right, that is—many Nepalese can’t say it right. There are actually only two people who know how to pronounce it so I really like it a lot. Even my brother can’t say it correctly. It’s because the sound comes directly from Sanskrit.
M-Impressive. Okay, so where exactly are you from?
P-Um, I was born in the city of Chitwan—that’s where my brother and father were born. Um, that’s where I was born, but I was raised in my mother’s house—I was there until 7 or 8 years old. But after that I went to Kathmandu where my parents and brothers were and that’s where I went to school and then after high school I came to US. So basically I was in Kathmandu for 12 years.
(Conversation trails off into more stuff about where he grew up.)
M-How long have you been in America? When did you move here?
P-Ah, I came here fall of 04. I first came to Iowa and went to a private university. But a lot of my friends were here-my big brother’s best friend was here and he said if I came to St Cloud he’d help me with everything. Living in the dorm was pretty expensive so I decided to move in here in spring semester of 05, so I spent fall semester in Iowa, but I’ve been living here since then.
M-What are you studying?
P-Graphic Designing. I was in computer science for three years then I quit and went into graphic designing.
(conversation trails off into graphic designing)
M-What do people from your home country do for fun during their free-time? Any sports?
P-Soccer is a very very very big thing in Nepal. Everybody-almost 99% of people in Nepal love soccer. And, there’s cricket, as usual. Hobbies- I don’t really know how to describe it cause most of the times all the young gets ride motorbikes. We just take a bike, go somewhere, or we’ll usually meet up at homes and go play soccer again or cricket or something like that but mostly traveling-me and my friends would all go traveling. I guess music is a big deal-people are into music a lot. Dancing, too, but it’s usually girls-stereotype, you know. But I would say people like sports and music a lot.
M-Do you keep in contact with your family by the computer?
P-Yeah, but my mom calls me almost every month. I don’t really miss them. I’ve never been back yet—5 years and I haven’t been back. My brother and his wife live in Missouri so most of the breaks I go there summertime we usually meet. One of my uncles lives in the cities and he’s married to an American aunt so I go there for Nepalese holidays and stuff.
M-that must be convenient for you! Where was your favorite place in Nepal? Anywhere in Nepal…
P-there are two places I’ve always loved. One would be a place called ________. We usually take a bike all the way up there. There are a bunch of spots where on a really bright day you can see the Himalayas. It’s insanely beautiful. Also, if you or anyone ever goes to Nepal I suggest visiting “Lumini”-where Buddha was born-it’s a very beautiful city. You should be there. I go there every time I go to see my grandma. I usually go down there and spend 5 hours there. I just disappear. It’s pretty awesome.
M-Going backwards, you’ve been here for 5 years, so that would make you..?
P-I’m 25 now. (discusses where he went between the end of high school and coming to the U.S.)
M-What do you miss the most about Nepal?
P-Honestly-I miss the food. There’s this thing—you know chop suey, right?—well um, there’s very few restaurants in Kathmandu that have this thing they call American chop suey and it’s pretty different almost everywhere I’ve been in America in all of the restaurants they have chop suey but it’s not the same thing. I talk to my parents all the time and see their pictures so I never actually miss them. And all my close friends from school are here in the US. So I really only miss the food.
M-do you cook a lot of your foods here?
P-yeah, we cook a lot. I mean a lot.
M- do you use a lot of different spices then?
P-everyone likes turmeric powder a lot and meat seasoning or vegetable seasoning and chili pepper.
M-Do you make a lot of rice?
P-rice is the main thing-the first two meals of the day- and then there’s always gravy and then different vegetables or meat. (Conversation trails off about meat and vegetables.) We don’t eat beef in Nepal-because of religion, but we eat buffalo-we call it “buff.” Not wild buffalos but water buffalos. People prefer cow milk to buffalo milk but there’s a lot of people who actually like buffalo milk, it’s really healthy.
P-There are different caste systems in Nepal. Avi’s from a different caste; I’m from a different caste, and there’s another one called Newar they’re like the business main caste.
M-How many different castes are there?
P-There are 4 castes and then 6 different subcastes. So basically it’s Brahmin, like the first, then the second would be Chitsu, then Newar, then the lower class, the Untouchables. If this was 20-30 years back and if I had friends from different castes my parents wouldn’t allow it-it would be very hard for them to accept. Things like that, like people getting married to a different caste in Nepal-that’s really antisocial and people used to fight. It’s not so much like that now because people have more open minds about it.
M-That’s definitely something that interests me about Nepal-especially the arranged marriage part of the culture.
P-yeah definitely-arranged marriage is the big thing in Nepal. That’s what my mom wanted for me. I was in Missouri and I met this girl who happens to be somehow related. She was pretty and I called my mom and told her I like her. She said, “Okay then you can get married.” I was just joking but then my mom kept calling me and I told her I was kidding. She said “Don’t worry about it you can come to Nepal and I’ve been talking to her family and she has a good family, so…” blah blah blah. I don’t think I could do the whole arranged marriage thing. No way, I mean I don’t want to marry someone I don’t know.
M-But that’s how your parents got married though, right?
P-Yeah, but the thing is, my dad’s family and my mom’s family knew each other and my grandpa from my dad’s side- his brother or sister were married to…ahh wait a second, yeah, my mother’s aunt was married to my dad’s uncle so that would make them 3rd or 4th cousins so I guess that is okay to marry in Nepal. I mean my dad and my mom they didn’t really know each other though because they were from completely different cities.
M-What do you think is the biggest misconception Americans have about your country or culture.
P-ah I don’t know. Actually I’ve never met anybody I mean, I have met a lot of people where I say I’m from Nepal—they’ve never even heard of it, they’re like, Naples, Italy-oh yeah. Ya know? And we look Spanish so we get that a lot. Um, I mean when I first came here that used to irritate me but it doesn’t really bother me anymore.
M-What is the biggest difference between the US and Nepal?
P-Um, I think the first most important thing is the way things are managed here. The government’s pretty strong and I don’t know if people are going to be honest about it but police in America are really powerful. It’s like, police come over and people are like, okay let’s hide. People have to respect the police, especially if they deal with the law even if you don’t want to you have to. Back in Nepal people really don’t respect the law at all. They don’t care about police. They’ll beat up the police. I mean seriously. I think management of the country is the biggest different. Nepal doesn’t really have a strong government at all and if the government isn’t strong I don’t think the country will be strong and people won’t really support each other--people are really stingy in Nepal.
M-What is your culture’s view of our country? Were there any stereotypes?
P-Oh yeah a lot, trust me.
M-Negative, I’m sure?
P-A lot of negative. I don’t know I had a lot of problems too you know, like, it’s basically always the TV or the news or whatever and you watch a movie and you see a white guy and a black guy. The white guy is always the good guy and the black guy is always the bad guy you know all the time. I don’t think people could actually understand it without living the life.
M-Isn’t that sad?
P-it is, I see a lot of big tall people like 14 or 15 years old and they’re two times as big as I am and if you see someone with any different skin people are like “hey look at that guy.” To them it’s like something different just happened. I mean I used to be like that if I saw a tourist I’d be like, “Damn look at that guy he’s white and he’s like 8 feet tall.”
(Conversation trails off into racism and basketball.)
P-talking about sports, I’d say about 95% of the Nepalese guys definitely know how to play ping-pong. And everyone knows how to play badminton. Soccer is in the Nepalese blood I think. There’s a lot of basketball but we don’t have any really good teams. We don’t really have all of the facilities.
M-What was your school like?
P-My kindergarten was pretty cool it was basically like my own school. I went to a different school for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grade and the principal she and our family used to live in the same house as my family. The actual school that I went to was pretty awesome. In fact, it was one of Nepal’s top three schools. It was called Galaxy Public School. We were pretty good at answering teachers back. So yeah, I’m pretty proud of it. It’s one of Nepal’s best schools ever.
M-At what point in time did you learn to speak English?
P-Kindergarten. It’s mandatory.
M-Did you get in trouble for not speaking English?
P-No, I was a very good student. (laughs)
M-But if you didn’t speak it, would you?
P-There were rules—teachers would yell at us. I didn’t get beat up or anything but students would get punished a lot for speaking in Nepali. You’re not allowed to speak anything but Englishi. Even in Nepali classes, you had to be like, “Excuse me sir, I have a question,” and then you have to speak in Nepali.
M-Do your parents speak English?
P-My dad does, my mom doesn’t because my mom went to a different school. That was a pretty old school. They had English courses but my mother wasn’t into English at all. She can read and she can write but she’s been out of practice for a long time. She would be able to understand what I’m saying but she wouldn’t be able to understand you because to her that’d be a completely foreign accent. My dad speaks pretty good English. He was in India for six years and he travels a lot.
M-He must be very interesting to talk to.
P-Yeah, my dad’s a pretty fun guy.
(Conversation trails into animation and graphic design)
M-Other than Iowa and here have you traveled anywhere else in the United States?
P-A lot. Wisconsin, Ohio, Illinois, Maryland, Kansas, Missouri. I think more than 10 states. We travel from one place to another in the summer.
M-You mentioned that the political system is really rocky. Let’s talk more about that.
P-It’s really messed up. Freedom is just a word. It’s not like we can’t walk on the street but if there are any political issues. I don’t know where the hell they get all these people from but there are these riots in the streets and people just go around messing things up. I really am not interested in Nepal’s politics at all. Zero interest. I never liked it. I guess it depends on the way people think of it. There are a lot of people in Nepal who don’t go to school and are just there so they can throw stones at people. I guess they find those people. It’s the same thing in politics everywhere else in the world but in Nepal they just don’t care. I guess I should be caring but I don’t.
M-Drugs are illegal here…
P-It’s the same in Nepal. Youngsters all do it. I don’t-I never even smoked a cigarette in Nepal. Even drinking-I would never do it without my parents’ permission. I would sit down and drink with my parents and if I was going somewhere I would let them know. Concentration on drugs, people use a lot of marijuana. I don’t really know much about the other stuff because I was a good boy.
M-What religion are you?
P-Hindu.
M-What are the common religions there?
P-Hinduism and then Buddhism is the number two religion in Nepal. There are Muslims in Nepal but a really small percentage. It’s more about Hinduism than anything else. I have met two or three Christian people. My parents are hard-core Hindu. I’d like to say I’m hard-core but I’m religious. The best thing that I think is to keep a mind open. I follow everything--it doesn’t matter if I have to go to a church or a temple.
M-What do you like so much about Hinduism?
P-I don’t know. We see God in everything. There’s God for air, God for wind. There are three million Gods in the Hindu religion I think. Basically people follow the three main Gods and that’s what I follow. One of the best things I like about it is its open-minded. But yeah Hinduism had problems with Islamic religion and all that but that’s a different story. I don’t see any problems with it. One thing it has taught me is to be open with all of the religions.
M-Going back on the arranged marriages, would your mother be really disappointed if you went home with an American girl? Would she disown you?
P-She would be disappointed 120 percent. My mom finds it hard that I actually eat beef here because cow is sacred. She keeps on telling me that God’s not going to like me. I’m like, “Come on mom, its American cow. God doesn’t know that.” That’s another thing-to answer your question about differences between America and Nepal, people find American girls wild-crazy. I’m 25 years old if I was still in Nepal I’d still be living with my parents. I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. They’d buy my food and clothes; they’d pay for my college. That’s why we are so spoiled. My mom would cook me food and do my laundry. Here you learn to be an individual—you become smarter. They would be intimidated by a young American girl who is three times smarter than they are and who can take care of herself already. They would find it hard and offensive. It’s cause you have to be formal all the time. I’m always nice to my mom. My dad is like my friend. I call him old man; I call him fat man all the time. He doesn’t care but if I talked to my mom like that she would ask, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
M-How old were your parents when they got married?
P-I think my mom was 17 or 18 maybe 16 and my dad was probably 24. I’ve never really asked him. My grandma got married when she was 13 so times have changed. My mom keeps saying I’m 25 years old and I should be married and I tell her there’s no way. The boy has to be older because that means they’re better than the girl. It’s kind of like that.
M-Is the purpose of getting married to take care of each other? There’s no love, right?
P-There’s always time to get to know each other during the engagement. The more time spent the closer you get. There’s a saying in Nepal: ”Love marriages don’t last long.” You see it in movies a lot where couples fall in love and in Nepal it’s the families that choose that for you. The culture here is so different-- it’s really helped me learn a lot, I mean a lot.
M-Well if you want to add more you can, but I have no further questions.
P-I can’t think of anything.
M-Okay thank you for your time. This was fun and a good learning experience for me.
P-Yeah, we will have to hang out sometime. Drink beer!
M-Sure! See you later.

Interview #2 Chile

Melanie Folske
English 191 Section 21
Interviewee: Mical Bernaldo
Chile
November 3, 2009


Chile
Geography
Chile is located in “Southern South America, bordering the South Pacific Ocean, between Argentina and Peru.”1 In terms of size, Chile is “slightly smaller than twice the size of Montana.”2 Some natural hazards there are “severe earthquakes, active volcanism, and tsunamis.”3

People
Chile’s population is approximately “16,601,707 (July 2009 est.)4 The ethnic groups that can be found there are “95.4% white and white-Amerindian, 4% Mapuche, and .6% of other indigenous groups (2002 Census)” 5 For the religions of Chileans, “70% are Roman Catholic and 15.1% Evangelical.” 6 The official language of Chile is Spanish. The school life expectancy is “14 years. “7

Government
The government type of Chile is “republic.”8 Chile gained its “independence from Spain on September 18th, 1810. (This is their national holiday for Independence Day)”9 The design of the Chilean flag was “influenced by the American flag.”10

Transnational Issues
As for illicit drugs, “domestic cocaine consumption is rising, making Chile a significant consumer of cocaine (2008)” 11

Culture
“Chile culture is marked by the Inca and Mapuche cultures. This cultural diversity reflects in several forms of its cultural aspects and life. Music, theater, dance, cuisine, and literature mark its cultural diversity and distinctiveness.” 12 Chile is called the “land of poets and the country can boast of many eminent literary personalities, such as Pablo Neruda and Gabriela Mistral.” 13*
“Today, when modernization has become the cornerstone of the Chilean economy, some traditional customs still endure, particularly in the countryside. One of them, the trilla a yegua, involves using horses to help separate wheat from the chaff. In another, the rodeo, huasos on horseback rope and bring down calves in a crescent-shaped barricade, la medialuna.” 14 Chile has a national dance called the “cueca. It originates from peasant folklore and some people believe it emerged as a symbol of the newborn republic in rebellion against the Spanish crown. The steps represent the cock stalking the hen, the amorous courting of a couple, or the cornering of a filly (Chilean cowboy), which he is trying to lasso. Men and women dance to the classic rhythm, twirling their kerchiefs in the air.” 15

1-11:
https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/np.html 2 Nov 2009
12-13:
http://www.mapsofworld.com/south-america/culture/chile.html. 2 Nov 2009.
14-15:
http://www.chipsites.com/ww/chile_culture_101.html 2 Nov 2009.

Preparations Made:
I used the same questions that I did for my previous interview because I felt they were helpful in getting the interviewee to open up. I especially enjoy asking questions about what people do in their free time as well as what they eat, because it is almost always something unique and fun. I also kept just about the same objectives that I had last time. The only revised objective that I had was to have my pauses last a little bit longer than they did in my previous interview. I thought during my first interview that I was waiting long enough for a response, but it wasn’t until the transcription process that I realized that I should have waited a few seconds longer. Once again, I booked a room at the Miller Center Library for this interview. I got there about fifteen minutes early to prepare the room and to get my thoughts and nerves gathered. I think that using the rooms is very professional and a good idea because it is a quiet and neutral environment. For technology, I used my friend’s video camera again. It worked well last time, so I didn’t think it was necessary to make any changes in that sense.

How did you approach people, how did you secure them for the interview?
I was originally planning on interviewing someone from Nepal for my second interview, but he cancelled at the last minute, so I ended up interviewing a girl from Chile. She is a learning assistant in one of my classes and all I knew about her was that she was an international student. I approached her after class this past Monday, November 2nd, 2009 and told her my name and that I had to interview international students for my English class. She told me she would love to be interviewed because she really enjoys talking about her country because not many people are brave enough to ask her about it. We then set up a time that worked for the both of us.

When, where, and how did you conduct?
On Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 at 2pm, Mical Bernaldo and I met up in the Miller Center Library café. We then went up to a room on the second floor that I had previously booked. I arrived there at approximately 1:50pm to go up to the room to set up the video camera, leave out a copy of the questions for the both of us, as well as to have water bottles handy for the both of us. Once again, I conducted the interview in a very professional manner. I didn’t dress up as much as I did last time because I had class beforehand and I didn’t want to intimidate her because she seemed to be sort of a shy type of person. I didn’t have gum in my mouth and I was careful to not interrupt her as well as to pause after she finished her last sentence to make sure there wasn’t anything additional that she wanted to say.

Whom did you interview? Provide an abstract of the interviewee's biography.
I interviewed Mical Bernaldo. She is from Temuco, Chile. Temuco is a medium-sized city, comparable to the size of Minneapolis. She is 22 years old and has been in the United States for about 4 years. Her favorite food is empanadas chilenas. It consists of a flour-based dough with a filling that has beef and raisins in it and then is baked. Since she was about 14 years old, she has been intent on coming to America to travel the country and to get a higher education. She does not go home much, but speaks to her parents about every other day on the phone. She does, however, enjoy the culture here and plans on staying her for her career. In her free time, she likes to dance and to cook her native foods because it reminds her of her friends and family back at home. Mical has found it very easy to make friends here. She has found the people to be very approachable and friendly to her. The only thing she doesn’t really like about Minnesota is the cold weather here. She also mentioned she doesn’t like the fact that it is difficult for her to find genuine Chilean food.

Describe the interview process from your vantage point. Was there any part that impressed you, moved you, or gave pause to you?
The interview went very well. Mical and I plan on getting together again sometime as a result. The fact that they have a national dance is very interesting to me. I’ve learned that dancing is an important part of their culture. Chile makes the United States seem really boring. I am surprised by the fact that it is fairly difficult to tell that she is not originally from here, other than from her accent. She is fairly adapted to the American culture. A part that gave pause to me was that despite being so far away from her family and not being able to see them much, she has been very successful here and is planning on living here for the rest of her life. However, when she is through with college and getting settled in her career, she plans on going back more often.

Why did you choose to not transcribe this interview?
I chose to not transcribe this interview not because it wasn’t interesting, but because it wasn’t who I originally planned on interviewing. She is also from a place completely different from Nepal, so all of the information that I gathered was somewhat useless. The experience from interviewing yet another person, though, is something that I managed to gain from this. Through interviewing people, especially international students, you gain the opportunity to learn more about different cultures and hardships that people have gone through. It teaches you to listen more closely to other people as well as to be more aware of the world around us.

Revised Report on Nepal

Melanie Folske

English 191.21

Nepal is a small landlocked country. The World Factbook states that Nepal is located in “Southern Asia between China and India.” It can be compared with the size of Arkansas. Nepal’s population is approximately “28563,377 as of July 2009,” according to The World Factbook. The northern side of the country is mountainous. A major landmark there is Mount Everest. Nepal was formerly called the Hindu Kingdom. The common language spoken there is Nepali.

As for religious values, more than three-quarters of the population are Hindu, the next being Buddhist, then Christianity, and the few minorities that they have are Muslim. The political system that they have is very unstable. The healthcare is fairly inexpensive. Although illegal, marijuana is very common there. They have a holiday each year for smoking marijuana in honor of the Hindu god, who lives off of marijuana.

An old tradition used for greeting people is putting your palms together in front of your chest while saying “Namaste.” Nowadays, the mainstream culture of Nepal will occasionally shake hands for greeting people instead. As for food, rice is very popular. It is included in at least two meals each day. I learned in the interview about popular dish called lamb curry.

Dating and relationships are considered to be taboo. Parents arrange the marriages. It is very common to not meet your spouse until the day you get married. The arrangement is made as symbolism of the parents getting along and also depends on which caste they belong to. Also, the boys can’t talk to the girls the way that they talk to the boys, and vice versa because it is against their cultural norm. “Physical contact between the sexes is not appropriate in public. Although men may be openly affectionate with men and women with worm, even married couples do not demonstrate physical affection in public.”3 The Nepalese people are very reserved, unlike the openness of Americans.

During their free time, it is common for the Nepalese to socialize. They will go to their neighbor’s house to discuss the day’s events and to drink tea. They meet their friends in school or in sports they play, such as soccer. Once they have a particular group of friends, they tend to stay in that group.

1-2: https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/np.html 27 Oct 2009.

3: http://www.everyculture.com/Ma-Ni/Nepal.html. 27 Oct 2009.